theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize