Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
