Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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