Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
