Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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