were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
