One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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