The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize