she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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