At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
