Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
