are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
