Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
