So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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