"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
