Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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