i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
