I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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