Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
