Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
