I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Welp...herpes.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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