is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
