Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Randomize
