I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
from now on my penis is your penis
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
