I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
