im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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