look no pants
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
