Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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