You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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