my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
