What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
