idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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