Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
