Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
