Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
