Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
