i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize