If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
