it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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