he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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