i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
