Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
