Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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