I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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