the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
