Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
