the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
