Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I bet he comes in French.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
