giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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