Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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