Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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