Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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