Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
