Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
