so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
