I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
After tacos, we're chasing women.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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