I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
