You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
