i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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