TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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