Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
