dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We left the knife in your bed.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
