He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
