Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
