I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
pray to the hookup gods
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
