we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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