so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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