Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
ugly people sure do ruin things
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
BRING THE BAGELS
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize