therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
