i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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