I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
